so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
There are leaves in my underwear?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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