Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
