I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
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