Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
