Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
