He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
