I want to make a zoo with you.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
