It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
