Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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