Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
