What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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