Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize