So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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