He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
