Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
whose parrot is this?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize