No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
