We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
why do cheetos always look like penises
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
