Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
