He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
