why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
