Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
