You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
