if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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