She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
