Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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