Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
