When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
