we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
