he thought i was a dude.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
