You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
