Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
