either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
