Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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