you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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