I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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