Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
