So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
