i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
