Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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