she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize