we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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