At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
