Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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