so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
