I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
