She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.