fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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