Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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