i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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