Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
handjob tips. give me some.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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