R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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