News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
