Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize