Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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