Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
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I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
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I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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