you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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