you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
