Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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