Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
