I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
