That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
