Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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