I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
