OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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