I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
