Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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