how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
soo... how was my night?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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