C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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